We’re here today as an experiment. A school to sharpen the soul. I was told things that I didn’t understand then. They said ‘you are the butterfly’ and they kept telling me that I have a purpose here and I need to keep going.

When I say ‘said’, it wasn’t verbal. It was telepathic communication. Communication. Funny that it was what I studied in college. It was four years of a barely sober existence. I could have graduated with honors if it were not for my preference for long afternoon naps, house parties, and club craws. I did not begin to understand communication until I reached middle age.

It might be a little unexciting to say, ‘I was asleep and then I woke up.’ But that’s what it was. One day I was a mother, wife and upstanding citizen…the next, I was drinking whiskey for breakfast in Paris.

The communication was through everything. Communication through experience. Once you know that the world is not just the one you see with your eyes, you understand that there are forces manifesting themselves in ordinary things.

When my eye was open, I trembled with wonder at the revelations. How can I explain in human words that I saw how the universe was created? That there are codes that make up the fabric of our existence, that make up our past and our future. But that the past and the future do not exist. They co-exist.

I see a bird and I know it’s a spirit guide rendering a message. I am no shaman. I am no preacher. I do not know what it all means. Sometimes I know what it means when the thing happens. If I write it down, my history and the symbols, I may be able to catch a glimpse.

And in this world we live in now, the virus world, I feel less and less like someone who exists in this world. My detachment is palatable. That feeling of unconditional love for myself and the humans in the world is like a piece of sheetrock being scratched by a lion. The sheet is getting thinner and thinner and pretty soon, the wall will crumble and it will be all gone. I could hire a contractor to put up a new one. But what would be the point if the lion is still there?

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